is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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