K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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