Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
