In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
