sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
