i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
People in love make me want to vomit
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
