The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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