wrigley field is MILF paradise
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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