So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
