Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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