so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
