Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
