So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
