i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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