oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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