He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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