Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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