the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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