3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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