plz talk dirty to me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
