omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
