people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
