you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the raccoons are back...
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