I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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