did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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