My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
