He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
