guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
whose parrot is this?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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