I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
