just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
