My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
