dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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