You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Farmville is her only friend.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
