put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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