and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
