We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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