he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
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