Me. At least after what I've been through.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
