RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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