ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
