I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
