how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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