Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
