He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
