fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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