it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
