don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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