Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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