Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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