So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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