How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
