everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
