apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Acid is not a monday night drug
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
