if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
