How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
