that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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