o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
