She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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