I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
