I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
