I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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