my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
