I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
