Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
