You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
