I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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