my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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