i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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