if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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