Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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