Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
