the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
