You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
