He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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