Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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