he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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