I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
