So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
