I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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