What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
