The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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