apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So much Jack, so little girl.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
