best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
